top of page
Search
  • Writer's pictureHive Surrogacy

Surrogacy: From the Partner’s Perspective

From a very young age I dreamt of my magical future family; 2 kids, 2 dogs, a parrot, 16 acres of land and our own personal ATV track. Keep in mind I lead with DREAMT! As life progresses sometimes there are challenges with achieving that dream, that dream changes and evolves. For some, that dream gets crushed and you have to find a way to piece it back together. At 23 years old and engaged to be married we got told we may be in that boat. The impact this had on my wife and I’s future has been life altering; in ways we never expected. We were extremely fortunate and ended up not having any lasting affects from our diagnosis and went on to have 2 amazing pregnancies and 2 amazing children. On one of our first walks with our puppy after finding out we were pregnant we vowed we would one day help a family in need. Neither of us really knew what this meant; especially myself as a naïve young male, about what forms of help we could provide as a couple.

 

Why have I lead with this story? Because it allows for some insight into my perspective going into this journey as a surrogate’s partner. I had motivation and personal trauma behind my views on surrogacy. I had just a small, small taste of what it felt like to have your dream of having a family unexpectedly altered. That experience ignited a small flame of passion for pregnancy and childbirth. When my wife first mentioned surrogacy to me and took the time to explain what this meant and how it works that flame finally found its purpose. We ultimately decided this was the direction for us.

 

However, not everyone will approach surrogacy with the same background or motivations. So, lets break down a few of the common hurdles that may cause partners to hesitate.



Immediate Reaction

You want to carry someone else’s baby? Yes, this was a very foreign concept. My blind reaction was very questioning and hesitant. My amazing wife, knowing exactly what I needed; broke it down and explained it. I had many questions: who’s egg? Who’s sperm? We both agreed very early on we only had interest in carrying an embryo created without either of our contributions. For myself this got me over many of the mental hurdles in my head. I, however; was fortunate to have a partner that was deeply rooted in the baby world and had all the answers for me. For anyone not in the same boat you simply need to seek out a professional. Oh, that might cost us? NOPE. Surrogates are in such high demand that agencies, like Hive; will stand on one leg, touch their nose, and wiggle their ears just for an opportunity to educate potential surrogates and their partners/support team on all the ins/outs.


I had 3 primary concerns: My wife’s physical well-being, my wife’s mental well-being, the financial burden.



Physical well-being: I was concerned for my partner’s health and safety. Pregnancy always carries risk, ranging from minor to major consequences. This portion of my concern never went away as there is always going to be a small part of you that struggles with these factors. Fortunately, I had been through this twice before and we had an amazing support team working with Hive Surrogacy and Victory Reproductive Clinic. As a surrogate ALL of your vitals are monitored VERY closely. You have a dedicated team of professionals watching out for all the possibilities and no expense is spared on ensuring your body has all of the necessary nutritional and medical support you could need to promote a healthy pregnancy. This doesn’t just include vitamins, minerals, and prescriptions. It also includes physiotherapy, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture.

 

Mental Health: This point has multiple factors. The initial concern was how would we both deal with “giving away a baby”. For us this was a fleeting thought, but for some it’s a major hurdle. We decided very early on we did not want to donate eggs to the process. We wanted no genetic match to the child. For us this quite literally eliminated the concept of “giving away” a baby. No part of that child was ever ours. My wife was simply a baby hotel for a little while—rest assured I got a glare for this comment. But again, if you are struggling to view it this way there is support in place for you. Whether it be your personal support system, Hive support system(surrogate agency), or professional counseling. Your agency will have connections to THE BEST support in the industry for any counselling you may need.

Besides this pregnancy can also have a large strain on your mental health and ensuring you regularly treat yourself to some self-care is incredibly important. Throughout your own pregnancy you may not have indulged in self-care as much due to some avenues of self-care being an expense you just can’t spare. With surrogacy your contracts will ALLOW and PROMOTE you to indulge yourself. Everyone wants their hotel to have good vibes flowing right? We were fortunate enough to have absolutely amazing Intended Parents who were unbelievable supportive, caring, and understanding of not only my wife’s needs but also mine. They, and their families, were unbelievably thoughtful and this helped tremendously. Did we get lucky? YES. But we have heard countless stories just like ours.

 

Financial Burden: Kids are expensive, and so is pregnancy. The plus side to surrogacy is it is AAALLLLL covered. Medications, supplements, FOOD, self-care, travel, time away from work. It is all covered under contract and you are given a support team to help you navigate what is and is not covered. Knowing the extra expense is covered is a massive burden off your shoulders throughout the process and allows you to focus on simply carrying their special little package for 10 months stress free.


To summarize would I do it again? Absolutely. At the time of writing this we have started the process of our second journey. Almost immediately after my wife gave birth to baby D and we saw our IPs hold her for the first time we knew; we knew we HAD to do this again. We took our time, stepped back, and contemplated it for months. But really, we had no decision to make. We knew right away if our IPs wanted to go for a second, we would jump whole heartedly at the opportunity to help grow their special little family even more.



125 views0 comments

Comentarios


bottom of page