Speaking to your partner about becoming a Surrogate
Updated: Jun 8, 2020
It is important that your support team be on board to cheer you on in this journey. Whether your support team is your Mom, your Partner, or your best friend, you want to ensure that they are as informed about the process as you are. As these are the people who are going to help you with your children when you go for medical screening, appointments or need an extra hand when you are 9 months pregnant.
It is important to be open and honest with your support team. Explain to them why you want to become a Surrogate to help others and to build their family. Just like with any pregnancy, there are associated risks. There is often a lot of worry around safety from our families as they care about our physical and emotional well- being. Little about Surrogacy and IVF is known by the general public. Explaining to them your understanding of the surrogacy process will help them see that this isn’t as scary as they may have thought. We encourage you to share our Hive Surrogate Guide with them to give them a better understanding of the whole process. Through our years of experience, we have found that many partners are typically worried about two main things: Emotional/Physical Health: Your partner or family is probably concerned about your emotional and physical well-being. You are so important to them and they would never want to put you in harm's way. Here are Hive, we ensure that as a Surrogate you go through rigorous testing to ensure that physically your body is safe to do this. You will work with the top fertility Doctors in North America to ensure that you are safe candidate to do this. We would never put you in harms’ way. You will undergo blood work, ultrasounds and a full physical to ensure this is 100% safe for you. In addition, you will undergo a psychological assessment. This assessment is used to ensure that there are no “red flags” that would make this process hard for you. We want you to walk away from this journey whole, and happy. We will take every step necessary to ensure you are safe before we start. Financials: Looking at the long list of tests, the travel to screening and transfers, and then add on the late-night visits for ice cream cravings once you are pregnant. All of these things cost money. Here at Hive Surrogacy it is very important to us that this process doesn’t cost you anything. We ensure that your expenses are covered up front ahead of time for travel and the process of becoming a Surrogate. Once you are pregnant, all of your pregnancy related expenses like, food, maternity clothes or self care needs throughout the pregnancy, are 100% covered! You will see a reimbursement of around $25,000-$35,000 in receptible expenses that covers and protects your family so you are not out any money along the way during this journey. We know that sounds too good to be true, but we can reassure you that you will have a legal contract in place that outlines your expenses and what can be reimbursed. It is important to us that you are financially protected as you give this amazing gift to a family. We know that a journey isn’t as simple as signing up, getting pregnant and delivering. There are tolls that a pregnancy takes on a relationship, and we want you to feel fully prepared as your journey unfolds. Here are few things to discuss & consider together:
Restrictions on Intimacy: Before & after an IVF transfer, you will have to abstain from intimacy. This time differs from clinic to clinic and can last anywhere from 2-12 weeks. Of course, your intimate relationship, may take a hit during the pregnancy too. How do you both feel about that?
Shifts in Responsibility: During a pregnancy you naturally may not feel well. Is your partner ready and able to pick up that extra slack during your pregnancy?
Conversations about the Pregnancy: Once you have a visible belly, everyone has a comment to make about your growing family. Are you and your partner ready to answer the questions from a cashier about your growing bump, sharing about how it “not your baby!”
Keep in mind there are many things you CAN do to keep your relationship with your partner strong in this process.
Communicate: Make sure your partner feels part of every step that s/he wants to. Ask for their suggestions, invite them to appointments, or video chats with your Intended Parents. Make sure they feel comfortable as the steps unfold.
Stay Positive: Remember the reasons you chose to help a family though the gift of Surrogacy. Whenever things get tense, remind yourself and your partner that your family is benefiting from this experience.
It’s only Temporary: You may not be as intimate during your pregnancy, and your partner may feel overwhelmed with additional housework or childcare responsibilities — but try to remember that these challenges are temporary and that things should return to normal once your journey is done!
You Aren’t Alone: On this journey, we have many families just like you are embarking on this. Reach out, we would love to connect and your partner with a family who get the process. We are here for both you and your support team as you explore Surrogacy. If you would like to book a call with the team at Hive to ask any questions, we would be more than happy to connect!