How to Support a Friend Who’s Becoming a Surrogate

When your friend tells you she’s thinking about becoming a surrogate, it can be a big moment. Your first reaction might be awe — and rightfully so. Choosing to carry a child for someone else is an act of incredible generosity, strength, and compassion. And the fact that she’s opening up to you about it? That means she trusts you to be part of her journey.

As a friend, you may be asking yourself: How can I be there for her in the best way possible? Surrogacy is unique — it’s emotional, physical, and deeply personal. And while you may not have gone through it yourself, your support can still mean everything to her.

Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is simply show up. This path is filled with doctor’s appointments, screenings, paperwork, legal conversations, and big decisions. And as she moves through each step, she may experience a wide range of emotions — excitement, nervousness, pride, maybe even overwhelm. Just being available to listen, without offering advice unless she asks, can be the most comforting gift. Let her talk freely, or sit with her in silence if that’s what she needs. Having a friend who’s present and nonjudgmental can be a grounding presence during such a meaningful process.

There are also plenty of practical ways to support her. Maybe she needs someone to drive her to an appointment, or just wants company afterward. Even a quick text to check in can go a long way. Dropping off her favorite snack, offering to help with errands, or giving her a break from daily responsibilities can make a tough day feel a little lighter. These small gestures show that you’re thinking of her and that you care — and they can mean more than you know.

It’s also important to remember that surrogacy is deeply personal, and every surrogate experiences it differently. Some are open and eager to talk about each step, while others may want to keep things private or process quietly. Let her set the pace for what she wants to share, and when. Being respectful of her boundaries — and checking in with questions like, “Would you like to talk about how things are going?” — helps her feel supported without pressure.

And don’t forget to celebrate this incredible journey with her. Becoming a surrogate is a big deal. From medical screenings and matching with intended parents, to embryo transfers and pregnancy milestones, there are so many important moments worth honoring. Whether it’s a simple card, a lunch date, or just telling her how proud you are, your encouragement can help her feel seen and appreciated through it all.

In the end, supporting a surrogate friend doesn’t require you to understand every step of the process. You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters most is your presence — your ability to be there with love, patience, and an open heart.

At Hive Surrogacy, we know that surrogacy is never a solo journey. It takes a village — and friends like you are a vital part of that support system. If you’d like to learn more about what surrogates go through or how to continue showing up for someone you care about, we’re always here to help.