The biggest thing that we hear from people interested in surrogacy is "what is it like to give up the baby", or "I could never give up a baby".
While this is a valid feeling, let's break down why giving the baby to their parents is in fact the best part of surrogacy for a lot of surrogates.
Yes, it can feel very odd to carry a baby that you have no intention of keeping, but when you're done having your own kids, that attachment just doesn't feel the same. You know the embryo that they transfer into you isn't going to look like you, or your partner, you know that you're going into this with no intention of bringing the baby home, there's no baby shower, no nursery decorated, no picking names or thinking about life with a newborn. All of these things become, messages from the IPs sharing in their excitement of the finding out the gender and hearing the name they have chosen, seeing pictures of the nursery they have set up, and looking at pictures from their baby shower and the gifts they have received as they anticipate bringing home a newborn baby, sometimes for the first time!
Your mindset shifts into excitement for them, and for their family. Your excitement shifts into seeing them care for the baby that you spent 9 months caring for. That baby is loved by you, and by many, you will feel a special connection as you grow them, from a loving place of knowing that you get to hand that baby off to their family and watch their family grow and learn together. Also remember, you're not giving up a baby, you're giving back their baby! It was never your baby to keep, you go into this process knowing that at the end, you get to gift this family with their baby that you so lovingly grew for them! What a special bond that is to have with that baby! Getting to see them grow as the years go by, is such a treasure.
Time and time again you are reminded what a gift it is to grow life for another family, your body's ability to grow life is a gift for another couple to bring home a baby they otherwise may not have been able to do. Every kick, every hiccup, every excited message from the parents and their family serves as a reminder of the joy you are creating.
Knowing that when you birth that baby you have not only made parents, but also grandparents, aunt and uncles, cousins and friends. You made a family, you added to a family and in a way you gained a family. The bond you create growing babies for other families is a strong bond no one else can experience except you and that family. And what a gift that is!
Oftentimes surrogates have already completed their own family. So while you have their first or second baby you are possibly carrying the last baby you'll ever carry. All your last experiences, last bump, last baby kicks, last ultrasounds, last pregnancy tests just for that family to have all of their firsts with that baby. First smile, first word, first steps. So many milestones for you and for them. What an honor that is to experience, what an honour that is to share in.
At the end of the day, your mindset is what plays a big role, going into it knowing that that baby is not yours to keep. You never know what that will feel like until you're experiencing it, but from our experience, collectively, it is genuinely one of the best parts of surrogacy. The excitement that comes on the day the baby is born is a feeling you will always remember and cherish. You have given the ultimate gift, and it's a priceless feeling.
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