I dreamed about doing surrogacy before I had my own kids. I pretty much told my current husband while we were dating that it was something I wanted to do. Thankfully he was on board with it. I knew, deeply, that it was something I wanted to do for years. For years I dreamt about how amazing it would be to grow a baby and get to see them handed off to their parents. I imagined what that would feel like and what that would look like in my life, in my family's life. Fast forward to getting matched, all the appointments, the meds, the blood draws. It was easy to get lost in the logistics of IVF, but before I knew it I was pregnant, with this sweet little baby that wasn't mine. It's funny how life passes so quickly, from that first conversation with my husband about surrogacy and if that was something we would like to do 'one day'. Well one day came and went and before I knew it she was here, in the flesh, this little girl I carried for 41 weeks and 3 days. All those late night chats while she happily kicked away, dreaming of what she would look like, who she would be one day, picturing her with her family and the love that she already had. and like everything else her first year of life seemed to fly by, all the milestones, the first teeth, the first words, first solids. We kept in touch on a fairly regular basis. We had pretty quickly decided to do another surrogacy again and give D a sibling. I knew time would go quick but her first year went too fast! We always had the intention of seeing them around D's first birthday and so we planned a weekend trip in advance. My whole family and I were so excited to get there and see them all again. I knew she wouldn't exactly know who I was, as she had never really spent time with me, we had spent a year apart after spending over 41 weeks together in a different way. She was my little belly bud for so long that after a year it felt so natural to see her again. I know what her little feet feel like from the inside. I know what her hiccups feel like, I know what her favourite foods were and that she liked to dance the evenings away, I could still feel all of that joy, a year later.
We got there and I said hello to her, from a distance. And it was like she knew my voice but didn't know why. Or maybe I just am telling myself that. Her shy little smirk just fit her cheeky little personality so well. It felt so wonderful to see her again after so long. It didn't take her long to warm up to us and she was enthralled with my kids just as much as they were with her. I never really had this clear image in my head of what my kids would think of her and was excited to see how they would respond to this little girl that they watched grow in my belly and then meet only once as a brand new baby. The complete love and adoration they have for her was wonderful to witness, and really gave them more of their own perspective of why we chose to do this as a family. Allowing them to see that in their own way was really special.
The next day we took the boys to see some of the area, as we had never been there before, we took them to the museum and then the guys and D met us for a patio lunch.
We then returned back to their place to have some down time because for dinner that evening my intended parents had invited their families over for a BBQ. And although I knew it would be a special evening I didn't expect to feel so many emotions in the ways that I did. The way they all show each other love was everything I had imagined for "my future surrogate baby" when I was a young woman imagining what it would be like to carry a baby for another family. The way her aunt doted over her, the way her big cousin would try to get her to laugh, the way they all looked at her with sheer adoration. But the one moment that got me was when D's grandmother came in, the way the two of them locked eyes with sheer delight on their faces and D's little arms immediately outreached for her just nearly made me cry. The relationship my kids have with their grandparents is very special and my boys used to do the same at that same age. They have such a special bond and it is so evident. It made me realize that surrogacy is so much more than just making parents, it's making grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. She is so loved by every member of their family and that was just solidified that night. It was everything I could have imagined and more. Celebrating her first birthday was a milestone I surely won't forget, it felt almost surreal to see this beautiful little girl at one years old after years and years of dreaming of doing surrogacy. It can only continue to get better for us all.
People often ask me what drew me to surrogacy and honestly I knew I wanted to do it before I even had a family of my own because I wanted to help someone else have a baby, a family. It always came back to just that... helping create a family. Once I had my own kids it was also partly because selfishly I also love being pregnant and I love giving birth as well. After this weekend with them I know now that surrogacy is so much more than being pregnant, so much more than helping someone have a baby. I got to witness first hand that love of a grandmother, the love of a cousin. The love of Family from a different angle. That if it wasn't for me, for surrogates, that family wouldn't have D to love on. She wouldn't get to have this beautiful life, surrounded by an immense amount of love. She is my why. They are my why. And its an honour to get to have the role that I do in their life.