The journey to parenthood is a path filled with joy, challenges, and major responsibility. Now add the complicated undertaking of a Surrogacy journey and it's taking things to a whole other level!
If you’re contemplating whether you’re prepared to become a parent through Surrogacy, it’s crucial to reflect deeply on various aspects of your life to establish your readiness.
Just to be clear no one is ever really "ready" to become a parent. Kids are like a box of chocolates, you never know who you are going to get. And I don't know if you've heard, but they don't come with a manual.
Being ready for a Surrogacy journey, on the other hand does have some specific needs that are. necessary.
Am I Emotionally Grounded (most of the time): Parenthood demands emotional resilience. Ask yourself if you are capable of handling stress and setbacks with patience and grace. Reflect on how you handle conflict and whether you have a support system to lean on during tough times. No one is ever going to be the perfect parent. We all slip up from time to time. Looking at how you deal with stressors in your day to day life can determine how you may deal with conflict when raising a small human. Are you able to cry and move on, or is stress debilitating? In a Surrogacy journey there can be long wait times, unanticipated financial costs, failed retrievals, failed transfers... the list goes on. How are you going to manage if and when these things come up?
Self-Awareness: Understanding your strengths and weaknesses can help you navigate the challenges of parenthood more effectively. Are you willing to confront your own limitations and seek help when needed? We all have breaking points and knowing yourself and being able to seek help can make all the difference.
Desire for Parenthood: A genuine, heartfelt desire to raise a child is crucial. Not just a baby, not just a teenager, the whole package. Ensure that your motivation isn’t influenced solely by societal pressure, family expectations, or fleeting whims.
If you are raising your child with a partner what does that relationship look like? If not, do you have other support? As they say, " it takes a village to raise a child"
Communication Skills: Open, honest, and respectful communication is the bedrock of a healthy relationship and crucial for co-parenting. Evaluate whether you and your partner are able to discuss sensitive topics and make decisions together effectively.
Shared Goals and Values: It’s important to align on key parenting values, such as discipline styles, educational goals, and family dynamics. Discuss your visions for the future to ensure you’re on the same page. What are your deal breakers? What are you willing to compromise?
Support for Each Other: Consider whether you and your partner are prepared to support each other’s individual needs and parenting roles. A strong partnership provides a solid foundation for raising a child. Also, How are you going to "keep the spark alive" individually and together while navigating family life.
Financial Stability:
Budgeting and Savings: Parenthood and Surrogacy comes with financial responsibilities, from daily expenses to unforeseen costs. Have you created a realistic budget and established an emergency fund? Here are some anticipated costs that are common in Surrogacy journeys.
$100,000 to $150,000+ total for a journey
Agency fees $22,500
Screening of your Surrogate $4,000 to $6,000
Lawyer fees $5,000-$8,000
Clinic costs (IVF, embryo creation, medications, testing etc) $30,000 to $50,000+
Reimbursement $20,000 to $30,000+
Additional Surrogate expenses $0-$20,000 (c-section, bedrest, twin expenses etc)
Right of parentage legals $4,000+
NICU costs $0- $5,000+
Income and Employment: Assess whether your current employment situation and income are stable enough to support a family. Consider potential future changes, such as maternity or paternity leave and the costs associated with child care.
Debt Management: Evaluate your existing financial obligations. Reducing high levels of debt before having a child can ease financial stress and improve your overall readiness. Also with the anticipated costs of Surrogacy, how much debt could you be in at the end of a journey and are you going to be able to be financially stable for your family after your baby is born.
Lifestyle and Personal Goals
Career Aspirations: Reflect on how having a child might impact your career goals and whether you’re prepared for the potential changes. Are you willing to make adjustments or sacrifices in your professional life?
Work-Life Balance: Parenthood will alter your daily routines. Consider whether you’re prepared to balance work, personal time, and family responsibilities.
Health and Well-being: Physical and mental health play a significant role in parenting. Ensure you’re in good health and have access to necessary healthcare resources.
Practical Aspects
Living Space: Does your current living situation accommodate a child? Do you have a safe, comfortable space to welcome a new family member?
Childcare and Support: Consider your options for childcare and whether you have access to a support network of family and friends who can assist when needed. Parents need a break too!
Parenting Knowledge: While no one can be fully prepared for every aspect of parenting, having a basic understanding of child development and parenting techniques can be helpful. Are you open to learning and growing in this area?
Advice and Support
Talk to other Intended Parents: Reach out to friends or family members who are parents or Intended Parents in your community. While every story is different, their experiences and insights can provide valuable perspectives on the realities of a Surrogacy Journey.
Professional Guidance: Consider seeking advice from, Surrogacy agencies, financial advisors, or parenting classes to gain a deeper understanding of what’s involved in raising a child.
Deciding to become a parent is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration and self-reflection. By examining your emotional readiness, relationship dynamics, financial stability, lifestyle adjustments, and practical considerations, you can make a more informed decision about whether you’re prepared for this life-changing journey. And it is truly life changing. While this blog can come off as intense, this is a significant decision and should be taken seriously. With all that being said, no one would do this if it also wasn't pure magic. Having a child is obviously not just
Remember, there’s no perfect time to become a parent, and each family’s situation is unique. Trust yourself and your instincts as you navigate this important decision. Parenthood is a journey of growth and learning, and being thoughtful and prepared can help set you on a path to becoming the best parent you can be.
Comments